When the richness turns grey and you must say goodbye...
It's the strangest haunting feeling waking up in the morning, expecting love and soon realizing that love has left. It came, embraced you with its warmest presence but then it left, and now here you are where you were before -lost, empty and alone.
It is strange when the most intimate comfortable presence must suddenly become foreign. How does the heart or the mind do that? How does it get happy to be in the same presence again but at the same time turn away from it, from its familiarity as it was just a stranger. You look around for this stranger and when the stranger does show up, what they remain is, but a stranger. How does this duality even come about? And why? Your heart wants something, it plays on the memories of the past but the mind blankets the desires with the reality and the games of indifference and sudden unfamiliarity we ease ourselves with. But why? Human existence in its essence is contradictory, we want to do things, experience feelings or be things but we do not because we cannot, because we must not, because it is not possible or because of some other blanketing reality.
We are lost in the everyday with this going back-and-forth of our desires and our realities. When they do match, it is brilliant and amazing, but when they don't there you are just playing with the idea in your head: if not in reality, here it is at least in the surreal dimensions of my mind.
What do we do then? Where do we go? Especially when you know the lost object or subject is lost because well you created the causation for it to be that way even though you never intended for it to be this way. Repent, cry, beg, or reform as much as you may or can, if the causation is strong enough to drive away love and turn all the richness of its love to grey it is time to say goodbye... the saddest, most reluctant goodbye.
So, I guess, all we can really do is turn our heart off and go along with the new role-play we have begun of strangers sharing a space. I guess all we can really do is pretend that all the memories were nothing but figments of the mind giving you the warmth you needed, but now it must say goodbye. I guess, the most personally dishonest but the most otherly caring thing we can do is let go no matter how much we want to care for love and heal it from the wounds of our mistakes.
It is hard, painful, sad and numbing... but I guess this is the blanket of reality we have to hide under for now. The future may hold whatever it does, we do not know and we never will. but in the now, all we can do is hide, fight the whispering of the heart and say goodbye. We must find comfort in the haunting of the ghosts and realities of the past as we wake up from a comforting slumber where for at least that moment all is still well and alright. We must make friends with the ghost of the past and hope that maybe they will eventually become the strangers that love did. We must put a stone on our hearts when all we want to do is give love all of our love and help it heal from the wounds of our mistakes because love is grey now. Love is grey and love is done. The wounds have been deep enough to take away the richness of the warmth that existed, all that is left is pain. And so you must put up a smile of dishonesty, a dishonest unfamiliarity and say goodbye. It is time to say goodbye, You must say goodbye... say goodbye.
It is strange when the most intimate comfortable presence must suddenly become foreign. How does the heart or the mind do that? How does it get happy to be in the same presence again but at the same time turn away from it, from its familiarity as it was just a stranger. You look around for this stranger and when the stranger does show up, what they remain is, but a stranger. How does this duality even come about? And why? Your heart wants something, it plays on the memories of the past but the mind blankets the desires with the reality and the games of indifference and sudden unfamiliarity we ease ourselves with. But why? Human existence in its essence is contradictory, we want to do things, experience feelings or be things but we do not because we cannot, because we must not, because it is not possible or because of some other blanketing reality.
We are lost in the everyday with this going back-and-forth of our desires and our realities. When they do match, it is brilliant and amazing, but when they don't there you are just playing with the idea in your head: if not in reality, here it is at least in the surreal dimensions of my mind.
So, I guess, all we can really do is turn our heart off and go along with the new role-play we have begun of strangers sharing a space. I guess all we can really do is pretend that all the memories were nothing but figments of the mind giving you the warmth you needed, but now it must say goodbye. I guess, the most personally dishonest but the most otherly caring thing we can do is let go no matter how much we want to care for love and heal it from the wounds of our mistakes.
It is hard, painful, sad and numbing... but I guess this is the blanket of reality we have to hide under for now. The future may hold whatever it does, we do not know and we never will. but in the now, all we can do is hide, fight the whispering of the heart and say goodbye. We must find comfort in the haunting of the ghosts and realities of the past as we wake up from a comforting slumber where for at least that moment all is still well and alright. We must make friends with the ghost of the past and hope that maybe they will eventually become the strangers that love did. We must put a stone on our hearts when all we want to do is give love all of our love and help it heal from the wounds of our mistakes because love is grey now. Love is grey and love is done. The wounds have been deep enough to take away the richness of the warmth that existed, all that is left is pain. And so you must put up a smile of dishonesty, a dishonest unfamiliarity and say goodbye. It is time to say goodbye, You must say goodbye... say goodbye.
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